“Someone had to fall on the sword for exposing this, and I’m sorry it had to be you guys.”

People within Hillcrest Lutheran Academy question why we’ve shared, while those working this case and the families involved can’t believe it took this long to be uncovered.

Some have called us ‘crazy’ for alerting the school board to the misconduct, calling for change, and sharing our story.

We understand that us continuing to share creates discomfort for those within the school community and many tied to other institutions within our community.

While this is true and we wish it weren’t the case, if we don’t learn from what has happened, how can we do different?

What these critics don’t understand is that as soon as my husband and I began sharing, other victims came forward to us. Never did we think that us sharing would embolden victims from generations past to bring their hidden stories into the Light.

They’re no longer sitting in the lie of shame of how they were violated. Many are realizing it wasn’t their fault, and feel encouraged by finding adults who support them, not the actions of covering up their abuse.

If victims finding healing and support means we’ll be labeled ‘crazy’, we’re fine with that.

Please continue to pray for the ones still afraid, or who now have shared and wrestle with the future.

Throughout this process, my husband and I have landed on a particular angle of this we can’t shake. 

We assumed that the leaders in positions of authority over the teacher would take action to protect the minors and love (not enable) the teacher.

We were wrong.

We watched ‘Christian’ men and women we’ve respected say nothing and do nothing.

We’ve heard parents and staff at the school express that they “don’t want to get involved.” They say “it wasn’t our child, so it’s not our place to say anything.” Some have shared, “I don’t share the same convictions.”

Many within the school community haven’t even read the police report.

These are Christ-followers. Heads down. Silent.

Outside of the school, people see this happening and can’t believe it’s true. How can people say they care about the kids and want to protect them yet be unwilling to know the truth about what’s happened to them? How can anyone ensure this won’t happen again if they’re unwilling to learn from what’s already taken place?

Early on we started using this analogy to well-meaning people who made the statements above:

Say you drove into a parking lot and saw kids who were wounded. Wouldn’t you want to help them? Find out what happened? Or would you drive by and ignore them? Turn your head and go on with your day? Would you chalk up your inaction to needing to pray for God’s discernment?

Look away. I don’t know the details. Not my kid.

What a twisted, terrible take on the scriptures of our King.

How many times in Scripture does our Lord say to leave the wounded alone? Where does he say you should only help if you know the full story? When are you to disregard the hurting because your own child didn’t get hurt? Are you directed to doubt the stories of harm and purport that the truth is ‘somewhere in the middle’?

Woe to us.

There is much work to do in the Kingdom for followers of Christ to know our call when there has been harm.

But what about the leaders – the pastors? Aren’t they the ones who’s positions are inherently built on principles of helping and protecting the hurting, sick, and needy?

There is no grieving quite like the realization that the people and systems charged with protecting the vulnerable have made their houses a safe place for robbers (Matthew 21:13).

They’ve dismissed the stories.

Promoted ones doing harm.

Covered for the abuser.

Abandoned the hurting.

These people and places claim Christ in name only.

The popular podcast, The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, is a story about a pastor who harmed many. Because of his abuse, the church (Mars Hill) did not survive. But the main question asked throughout the series is this: who really killed Mars Hill? Was it the abusive pastor? Or was it everyone who allowed him to abuse?

Shortly after our daughter met with the principal, my husband and I began receiving crude messages and the middle finger from staff at the school. Then came the day we received a message from a pastor in town asking me to remove their church name and endorsements from my website (that had been there for over seven years).

Which begs the question, with so many Christian leaders being exposed for abuse, why does the leadership placed in authority over them so often defend the abusers? Why do they allow them to still hold leadership positions, have access to children, or simply not hold them accountable? Why does it take public pressure to finally protect the sheep? And how is it that these leaders join in the attacks toward those who’ve spoken up?

Here are a few reasons Christians and Christian leaders fail to respond to abuses:

• DARVO (not Jesus) seems easier to follow. Sadly we watch churches and organizations respond to a crisis not with transparency but with denial (of the truth), attack (those speaking up), and reverse the victim and offender (the one abusing becomes the one who’s been wronged while the whistleblower and victims become the problem). Tiffany Bluhm highlights that “Once the proverbial cat is out of the bag, the consequential reaction is to slice and dice the whistleblower’s character, motivations, and track record. Instead of the spotlight being placed squarely on the purported misconduct, the bright lights burn on the face of the accuser. The one who is accused claims betrayal at the hands of an angry woman, an aid of the Enemy, and the accuser is attacked by the regime appointed to lead a smear campaign in hopes of destroying her credibility.” Diane Langberg states, “Then leaders work to convince the followers to punish, ostracize, or discount the ones pointing out the lump in the body, often appealing to God in order to back up a position that is questionable if closely examined.” If this is how Christian communities respond to victims and their advocates, how will those hurting feel safe within such communities?

• Friendships. Tiffany Bluhm states that “It is difficult to sway someone’s belief despite logic or evidence when they are emotionally attached to an offender. Emotional ties prove stronger than evidence when you desperately want to doubt a testimony.” When someone views an offender in high esteem, the person has a hard time believing the offender could have behaved in ways that are being alleged. They’re a good person, always serving, and charismatic. But friendships are not an excuse for followers of Christ to turn a blind eye to the hurting. We need our Christian brothers and sisters to confront each other when emotional allegiances are preventing us from doing what is right.

• Systemic deception. We’re fine – better than ever! If people believe their community/church/school is good and must be protected at all cost, then the full truth should be kept quiet or it could damage the Lord’s work. “Systemic deception occurs when…an educational institution agrees that wrongdoing either never happened or was not wrong in the first place. The system becomes self-protective and deludes people into thinking that everything is fine, even thriving,” states Diane Langberg. Unhealthy institutions rely on deception to control narratives and manage their reputation. It takes Christ-followers who understand that the Lord’s working within an institution does not discount the reality of pain or abuse that must be dealt with.

• Rewards. While silence, claims of ‘neutrality’, or support of the abuser may be what a person knows is inherently wrong, people also know that in unhealthy systems, complicity is rewarded. The community understands that any resistance (in the form of asking questions, requesting a meeting, sending a letter, etc.) will not only be shamed, but potentially consequential to their jobs, social standing, and reputations. If there is any type of benefit tied to hiding, minimizing, or rejecting the abusers actions and institutions wrongdoings, people will choose complicity. Our own desires to maintain social standings is never justification for our silence.

• Comfort. Members of any institution are oftentimes afraid of what knowing the truth might disrupt. If they look at what happened, it would require them to ask difficult questions. What might happen to their beloved school? What might this mean for their kids? What community would they have if they said or did something? These thoughts become all too uncomfortable for many, thus they choose their own comfort over standing with those who’ve been harmed. If followers of Christ do not repent of the idols we’ve made of our own institutions, we will continue to choose comfort in the face of evil.

• Culture. Oftentimes well-meaning Christians attending a church or school and have no idea they’re being influenced. There are subtle (or blatant) teachings on how their particular institution is superior (implying all other ways are in some way inadequate). People are used as illustrations for what life is like outside of said institution. Special attention and treatment is given to ‘elite’ members or families. If you’re one of these people (or not), you know. And everyone knows what happens if you question authority or demand answers to difficult questions – you’ll be shunned. So we see our brothers and sisters in Christ putting their heads down and looking away because they want to maintain their standing within the culture. In today’s world where the media is full of Christian leaders who have abused, we must educate ourselves and know when our communities aren’t Christlike. Fear and intimidation are never of Christ.

• Protection. Diane Langberg states, “…abuse is often covered up in order to preserve the leader and the system. In fact, it is often said to be done ‘for the sake of the church.’ All of this has broken the heart of the Father. All of this has misrepresented the Father.” Institutions believe that transparency about failures/abuses would hurt their institution. Leaders fear that exposure will threaten numbers, giving, or the brand. But the opposite is what will set us apart in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation (Philippians 2:15).” It is honesty that protects the abused and shows the world that an institution is “…far more interested in doing what is right and protecting the marginalized than they are about protecting their status,” says Mary DeMuth. Our call as Christians is to aid and protect the hurting, not protect our own names.

When will followers of Christ take seriously our God-given mandate to do good, seek justice, and help the oppressed? (Isaiah 1:17)

In times of uncovering, there are times we feel helpless. But as Wade Mullen states, “The best antidote to deception is truth. Silence grants evil exactly what it needs to be effective. Truth helps us move from confusion to clarity and from captivity to freedom.” We can tell the truth so that anyone held in bondage can find safety.

May we learn from what we see happening across our country. May we never partner with evil in our homes, marriages, relationships, communities, and churches. May we call for transparency so that the little ones see what it’s like to walk in the Light and want it for themselves. May we never demonize those fighting for help, and may we work together to ensure aid is given to any who need. May we fiercely help, no matter the cost of comfort, reputation, community, or otherwise.

Until we all own our part in the abuses around us, whether directly or indirectly, the church will never be without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish (Ephesians 5:27).