What we provide below is offered in hopes that followers of Christ would never allow abuses of power to be covered within any system that claims the name of Christ. We share this and plead for change because the victims and those advocating for them deserve better.

Victims and their parents have confided in us and we share with their permission. 

We have documentation for everything we share.

There’s a common theme among domestic abuse victims in that they hold onto hope that their partner will change. Many believe their abuser will stop by loving the abuse right out of them.

It is also normal for victims to over-emphasize the positive aspects of the relationship to help justify the harm they’re experiencing. “He’s a good guy. He has a job and can be great with the kids. Everyone at church loves him. It doesn’t happen very often.” 

It’s not surprising then, that a narrative review investigating abusive relationships found that,

“Overall the literature suggests that misdirected or overgeneralized positivity exacerbates harm and abuse.” 

Emphasizing favorable aspects within a relationship not only keeps darkness covered, but it also fuels sin.

Could this be happening within the church? 

All around us we see baptisms, changed lives, and good fruit. There’s a good portion of people thriving. What strong testimonies! God is surely on the move!

And no doubt. After all, He uses anyone, anywhere, to reach His people – because He loves us.

But what happens when we hear of harm in these very places?

Do we emphasis the good fruit growing and ignore the deadly poison within? Do we tell ourselves that such things could not possibly be done by a place or a person that claims Christ?

No one wants to believe the little ones among us have been hurt, especially within our Christian communities. 

So we tell ourselves a story laced with enough optimism to thwart our concerns. Our kids are memorizing Scripture. They’re growing in amazing ways. Many teachers are outstanding! There’s so much we’re grateful for. 

Believing the best, we hold fast to the hope that those called to be Light will demand that darkness flees. Surely this is who we are and what we do, for we are holy and set apart.

Interestingly, it is also known that a triggering event within an abusive relationship is what most likely causes action to be taken. The inescapable reality of harm interrupts the stories we’ve been telling ourselves and we realize that action must be taken.

For us, there came a day when we realized nothing would come from our attempts to help protect students and promote transparency. Administration not only questioned the students’ reports, they denied any wrongdoing. 

And our family, not what happened, would be identified as the problem.Yet another ‘look what you did’ experience.

These realities came. But only after we fought for change.

Soon after alerting the school board of the sexual misconduct reports that parents had brought to administration over the years, the school board opened up an internal investigation.

Within days, my husband and I texted the board member whom I initially reached out to, saying,

“We feel strongly that there needs to be a public apology so there is no misunderstanding and to own Hillcrest’s part, hopefully extending validity and then healing for all wrongs we might not even be aware of.” We then offered ideas for what this could include, being “1. Reports were made of sexual misconduct. 2. The school did not respond appropriately or in a timely manner. 3. We own this mishandling and apologize for all of it. 4. We have put into place new policies and procedures to ensure this never happens again.”

About a week later, I texted the board member sharing concerns that the teacher is still coaching. I texted the board member saying,

“When we drop the kids off at 323 and basketball he is still there. It is so conflicting. Would it be helpful for parents to come to a board meeting or something?”The board member asked for our patience and said the board is working.

We wondered why the teacher had not been put on administrative leave during the school’s investigation…

About two weeks later, an email arrived in our inbox:

“Dear Parents, As we begin the school year, I want to inform you of a change at Hillcrest. [Named teacher] is no longer employed with us. As always, Hillcrest is committed to upholding the dignity and confidentiality of all individuals involved in employment matters. In [named teacher’s] case, we have adhered to these principles. The decision-making process was thorough, involving much dialogue and prayer. We continue to extend our prayers and best wishes to [named teacher], his family, and everyone affected.”

We were pleased to know that the board made this decision. However, we were left with many questions.

It was then that my husband and I requested to meet with administration, and we met with them later that week.

These are the questions we asked, and the responses we received:

Did the board alert the police? No.

Why was this investigation not brought to the police?

Hillcrest does not feel it needed to be escalated to the police as the word ‘chest’, not ‘breast’ was not used in a report. My husband stated, “There is only one thing on a woman’s chest. I feel you’re playing semantics here.”

Can you share information about how you did your investigation, or a summary of how many kids have been affected?

They will not share details of their investigation.

Are the parents not owed a reason for his termination? What if their are more children who’ve had experiences with the teacher we don’t know about?

They feel their investigation was thorough. 

In the email sent to parents, why did we not extend an invitation to contact the school if there are any concerns, questions, or additional details the school needs to know?

No answer given.

What all did the task force investigate, and who was on the task force?

There were three individuals on the task force. No other information was given.

Could Hillcrest set up a fund at Valley Christian Counseling Center where anyone affected, at any time, could utilize counseling services?

They will consider this.

In the teacher/student handbook it states we have a zero tolerance policy for any inappropriate actions between staff and students.Why did this not apply to the teacher back in 2021?

No answer was given.

A parent overheard a teacher tell Ryan to “just give it a year, they’ll want you back.”Is there any scenario in which Ryan could come back and work, consult, or be in leadership in any way?

They do not feel it is necessary to contemplate this question at this time. My husband stated “Any answer other than “no” is unacceptable.

Can we get a copy of the board policies?

We never received a copy.

Did all Hillcrest families receive the email regarding Ryan or was it just the upper or lower school?

Only upper school.

Is there an upcoming board meeting where parents and/or students can come who have questions?

Hillcrest has not done this in the past, so does not plan to now. All questions should go through Brad.

When will new policies be out in place and why did we not follow the ones we have?

The board will look at what tweaks can be made to policies.

Would Hillcrest be willing to have counselors at the school who can talk and listen to students to help them process this?

Hillcrest would visit about this.

Throughout the meeting we felt the principal and board chair were irritated that we were even having a meeting. At the beginning of our meeting we were questioned as to whether we were directly involved – and if not, what the purpose of our meeting was. We shared that our kids had not been harmed by the teacher, but that we pay to send our kids there so we care about how this is being handled. We also shared that because we were privy to certain information (i.e. the previous reports of sexual misconduct), we had many questions and concerns. This didn’t seem to matter. I’ll never forget the moment the principal interjected before a question we asked was answered, asking us, “Are you done or do you still have something?” The board chair also stated multiple times that what has happened was only the student’s “perception” of what happened. 

We couldn’t believe it.

Our concerns felt dismissed and the school wasn’t forthcoming.

Would we assume the best, even with evidence of harm?

Could we downplay the deceit, thinking it wasn’t on purpose?

Was it possible to hyper-fixate on the stories of success, and join in shaming those with stories to the contrary?

“And if one member suffers, all the parts share the suffering…” 1 Corinthians 12:26

And we could not look away from the inescapable reality in front of us:

Kids had been harmed.

We couldn’t just stop; we needed to try again.

So we did. 

But what would come would be even more troublesome.

After all,

“Look what you did.”