I sat in my car weighing whether I wanted to be honest or not.

I knew how I felt and I knew it needed to be said if we wanted to move forward.

But something kept me from wanting to share.

After some time sitting in my warm car watching the snow fall slowly down, it hit me.

I wasn’t sure I had the emotional energy to deal with how they might respond after I share.

Which helped me understand that it isn’t always what we have to say that makes us hesitant, it’s what might come after we share.

Oftentimes we aren’t afraid of saying it, we’re afraid of what may change after we say it.

• They may misunderstand us.
• They may go to someone else and misrepresent us.
• They may get angry.
• They may turn away for a while, or for good.
• They may turn others against us.

We often don’t speak up out of fear. But what if we stopped viewing our words as something that triggers something negative, and starting seeing them as opportunities?

I’m always blown away as I read Scripture and see how Jesus said what was needed.

Jesus flipped over tables in front of the crowds while he called people out for using the Father’s house for their own profit. He strongly confronted people for being hypocrites; he told the adulterous woman to turn from her sin.

And Jesus wasn’t hanging on the edge of his seat wondering what they might do in response. 

He just…said what needed to be said.

How was it so easy for Jesus?

Well duh, because he’s Jesus.

All throughout Scripture Jesus said the hard thing and didn’t anguish over what they might do in response, because He knew His words were an invitation. 

He spoke honestly because he hoped the people would see the pain of their behavior and want a new Way. The truth was a new path of freedom and growth through repentance.

Instead of focusing on how they may attack us, what if we got gutsy enough to offer our words as invitations for change?

Invitations to a healthier relationship, a stronger marriage, a healed heart? 

Because if we saw our words as invitations for growth, when they decline, it’s much more clear. 

They’re not interested in growing. 

And how did Jesus respond to people who didn’t want to change?

At different times Jesus:

• Let them go (John 6:60, 66
• Withdrew (Matthew 8:18; John 8:59; John 10:39-40; John 11:53-54
• Forgave (Luke 23:34; John 8:7, 10-11; Luke 7:48)
• Didn’t engage (Matthew 27:12-14; Luke 23:9)
• Set boundaries (Matthew 9:24-25; Matthew 12:46-50; John 2:23-25; Matthew 16:12-23)

In a perfect world, your words would be heard, valued, and the other person would want to grow with you.

But if not, remember to tell yourself…

…they declined my offer to grow.

And that’s on them.

Helpful statements for the gutsy girl:

“Just because this is hard to hear doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“I didn’t bring this up to hurt you, I brought it up to help us.”

“I don’t want to argue, I want us to be healthy.”

“I love you too much to leave you here.”

“I refuse to keep us comfortable when it means nothing will change.”

Remember…

You don’t have to shrink back to make them comfortable.

Prayer:

God of Truth

Help us to be honest with ourselves, and with You.

Give us the courage to look within.

Reveal any area within us that needs pruning or healing.

Soften the hearts of those we know and love.

Do not allow fear to rule our lives.

In Jesus’ name, amen.