Perhaps you’ve felt attacked, stolen from, afraid, or vulnerable.

Maybe when you’ve shared your concerns you’ve been blamed.

This is for you. This is for all of us.

Darkness never prevails.

What my husband and I provide below in reference to Hillcrest Lutheran Academy is offered in hopes that followers of Christ would never allow abuses of power to be covered within any system that claims the name of Christ. We share this and plead for change because the victims, those advocating for them, and children within these systems deserve better.

Victims and their parents have confided in us and we share with their permission. 

We have documentation for everything we share.

The most infuriating part to this story, and possibly yours, is how it impacts children. The next generation is watching, wondering, and weighing whether the faith we proclaim and act out is congruent, therefore worth living out themselves.
 
In the darkest places, they’re learning from us.
 
During the divorce you never saw coming.
A traumatic event.
Navigating someone or something missing that shouldn’t have been.
 
As adults we know that in the depth of our souls that we will survive – even if we feel we won’t.
 
But children aren’t typically able to experience their current situation in relation to the world and make sense of it.There’s no framework to gain perspective; no life experience to know there’s another side.
 
And sometimes, childlike simplicity helps our chaotic minds settle.

But for teenagers old enough to see what’s happening, who ask hard questions, and who confront what even adults are afraid to; it’s not so simple.

 
Especially within religious organizations, our youth experience deep betrayal when they observe religious leaders acting in ways that contradict the teachings they promote. When faced with their leaders having discrepancies in their words and their actions, it leaves our youth susceptible to turning away from their faith altogether.
 
As parents, we wonder how this will affect the youth who’ve:
–witnessed sexual misconduct
–experienced misconduct 
–gone to leadership on behalf of another student
–watched silently
–heard whispers of misconduct and didn’t know what to do
–suffered in silence

Often, I think of our brave daughter. 
 
Over the next few months after we had our distressing meeting with board members, the teacher who was no longer employed and under criminal investigation, was still allowed on campus during school hours. 
 
And one day between classes, our daughter went down the stairs and turned to go into a hallway, when she saw the teacher hugging a female student.
 
I’ll never forget the phone call I received from her that day as she sat in the bathroom unsettled. In her tears she asked, “Mom, why is he here?” I didn’t have an answer for her.
 
Our brave girl asked to meet with the principal. We made sure she brought a friend along.
 
She met with the principal and shared she felt uncomfortable with the teacher still being at school during the day. In short, this is how the principal responded:
 
He said our daughter was “on the wrong side of justice.”
He had the girls read Matthew 18 out loud. And then he said,
 
“We have to go directly to the family. Have you tried sending a letter? Have you ever thought that maybe it’s something you did and need to apologize for? Maybe if you write him a letter and apologize for anything you have done, that can work. Leave it in God’s hands.” 
 
Instead of taking our daughter’s concerns seriously, the principal disregarded her and attempted to put the blame and responsibility on her to find a remedy. 

This is a classic DARVO technique used by unhealthy people aiming to avoid responsibility. It stands for:
–Deny
-Attack
–Reverse Victim with the Offender

Not one of these students who voiced concern is to blame. Not one of the victims were at fault for what happened to them. 
 
For us who follow Christ, and especially for Christian leaders, we’ve got to value what children say. If they come to us hurt, confused, or in need of protection, our response should be to help them. 
 
But far too often, spiritual spins are put on Scripture to maintain power, control, or to protect reputations.
 
We are so proud of our daughter’s tenacity to identify that she felt uncomfortable and to voice it to the person who could help. The students had heard many messages from leadership about caring for the safety of the students. But the very school promoting safety was also allowing a teacher who’d had repeated misconduct with students and who was under criminal investigation, to have ongoing access to students.

We fail the next generation when we serve God in word only, and further, when we misuse His Word.

If anyone causes one of these little ones–those who believe in me–to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 

(Matthew 18:6)

How has this affected our daughter and any other student who had gone to leadership with concerns?
 
We know from the police report that many students’ reports of misconduct fell on deaf ears.
 
For the students who saw, knew, or wondered, how will the denial and refusal to act impact them down the road?
 
We don’t know. 
 
But what do we know?
 
There can be adults who speak truth to them now. We can tell them this was/is wrong. We can give them examples of what should’ve happened. We can show them scripture in its proper context and explain how any misapplication can lead to harm.
 
And most importantly, we can repent ourselves. We can ask them for forgiveness for the ways in which we claim Christ with our mouths but fail to live like Christ in our actions. We can apologize on behalf of the leaders who are failing them. We can weep with them, listen to them, and then be for them what they need.

Please, be for them what they need.

 
*The day after our daughter met with the principal, we went in to meet with the principal to discuss what he said to our daughter. The principal said our daughter misunderstood what he was trying to say.
 
How many other students have voiced concerns or shared their story but were met with DARVO? What will it take for leaders (also you and me) across the country to understand the devastating affects this has on the next generation? What else can we do?